This is How You Go Hard

Big E, Grandaddy K, represent!

Is it just me, or are their eyes a little too far apart?

Oldie But a Goodie

True dedication to a dying craft, the art of typewriting. If I could find a portable one like that, I would easily abandon the Internet. Easily. For like a whole week.

Student Brings Typewriter To Class - Watch more Funny Videos

Aiin!

Come on! Aiin! Aiin! Aiiiiiiin!

(Thank you, WTF Japan Seriously?)

Easily One of the Simplest and Most Devastating Pranks of All Time

Enough said. Enjoy.

Gamer Head Tape Prank - Watch more Funny Videos

I'll have to remember this one

The Dog Show that Never Was

R.I.P. Stuffed Animal Dog Show.

Little Girl Toy Dog Show Fail - Watch more Funny Videos

It had so much potential.

The Reigning Beatboxer of the World

This guy is a true champion of beatboxing. Maybe I should pick up the mic and rock it old-skool once more.

Worst Beatboxer Ever - Watch more Funny Videos

Brings a tear to my eye every time I watch. Beautiful.

Pass Me the Medicines

So, today's a sick-day. It was an unwelcome sick-day, but had to be taken nonetheless. You never really understand just how much of a friend your shower is until you have a nice, hour-long soak. Think of it as a hot, steamy waterfall for meditation. And also a way to curb the urge to throw up everywhere.

Anywho, this has helped me a little bit, a musical ballad from Conan the Barbarian, entitled "Crom!". Enjoy, and hear the lamentation of the women.

Further Research

Turns out that Mr. Billy Bob Neck is indeed a satire. After watching a few more painfully realistic videos, I did the obvious and simply typed his name into Google. His real name is Paul Day, and has been playing the part since 2004, after being asked to join a comedy fundraiser to garner money for John Kerry's presidential bid.

I have to admit, this guy is die-hard accurate and a brilliant satirist. He truly had me convinced with the video I posted earlier.

Good on ye, mate.

I'm Convinced

Soccer starts with an S. So does Satan. It's all so clear, now.

Fave quote (3:19) - "Look at all you-Hugo...Chavez. Soccer!" I've never thought of it that way before!

I'm not even going to get into the whole political side to this video. It's just too ridiculous.

Wonderful Reaction to the England vs USA Game

One of the best reactions I've ever seen.

Thank you, OMG Cat, thank you.

The Vuvuzela Game

90 seconds.

Turn the volume all the way up and have fun!

World Cup Updates

So, been watching the World Cup? I have. Up to this point, South Africa and Nigeria have kept on with ties (though destroying my bets), and America tied as well, meaning they have a fabulous chance at keeping on in the tourney.

The USA / England game was exciting throughout, with England scoring in the 4th minute, thanks to poor defense not helping Howard. However, 40th minute we get Dempsey's miracle kick. It should have not gone in; even a schoolboy player could have stopped that kick. Regardless, it equalised the match and here we are, 1-1.

Altidore had a great chance of putting America in the for win, but England showed up and taught us what defense is.

Oh well, more games to come!

P.S. - Thank you, South Korea! Thank you!

P.P.S - What the hell is this thing? Zakumi the Mascot? Really? An anime leopard.

This is What Karma Does to Bad People

If you are a mean person, you will be reincarnated as a toad. And promptly mouth-raped by a chimp.

I think I'm going to donate all of my money now.

Want. Now.

Behold! The latest in stealth technology! The shrubbery kart!

So THAT'S How You Do It...

Ladies and Gentlemen, How to Boil Water:

I still think I'm missing a step somewhere...

(Courtesy: Cynical-C)

Lookin' for a partner

I'm just a dancer, but not to the degree this pro is a dancer:

(Courtesy: Dancing Alone to Pony)

A Movie Review: Dog Gone

Folks, take a long, hard look at this movie poster.

What you see before you is one of the most boring, ill-conceived, ill-executed, too-stupid-to-even-be-kid-friendly movies I have ever had the displeasure of sitting through. And I did this for you, my friends.

Imagine a lovely forest scene, as we first come across a bee's nest, obviously housed by bees as we are greeted with a fleet of the little CG bastards.

Those first three paragraphs were written this morning, after I had finished the movie. Right after I had finished it.

I quickly became too angry to write anymore, and...many hours later, I am still too angry to do a proper review of this film. This film does not deserve a proper review. What it DOES deserve is to be placed on its knees, pistol to the back of the skull, and executed. I find myself wishing that I could have sat through Paul Blart again, instead. I don't even know if I did a review of that movie anymore, but I would gladly go over why I hated it over this film.

Fuck you, dog. Fuck you French Stewart. Fuck you movie. I hate you. I hate you and your stupid, CG animals. Your stupid stupidness.

I hate you.

This Could Be the Start of Something Good

A Saudi woman has brought down the hammer on a religious police officer in an amusement park in Al-Mubarraz. This will hopefully be the beginning of women standing up for themselves, and a general movement toward fighting the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice. Yes, that is a real police force in Saudi Arabia.

“To see resistance from a woman means a lot,” Wajiha Al-Huwaidar, a Saudi women’s rights activist, said. “People are fed up with these religious police, and now they have to pay the price for the humiliation they put people through for years and years. This is just the beginning and there will be more resistance. The media and the Internet have given people a lot of power and the freedom to express their anger,” she said. “The Hai’a are like a militia, but now whenever they do something it’s all over the Internet. This gives them a horrible reputation and gives people power to react.”

At the amusement park, the officer was looking for unmarried couples. He came across this one 20-something pair, to which the male promptly fainted upon being asked for an ID card. The woman then raged out and punched the cop several times, sending him to the hospital actually.

While an awesome thing took place, she will unfortunately most likely be sent to trial for this. If this happens, she will be in prison for quite some time and be subject to other punishments such as lashings.

In a society where women are not allowed to drive, inherit, divorce, or even fight for custody of their own children, this was a bold move during a time when bold moves are needed.

The Pimpinest Hairstyle of All Time

Meet "Prince". Prince is a Jersey City pimp recently sentenced to 18 years in prison for human trafficking and prostitution ring-leading(?). Prince also has the most pimpinest hairstyle, quite possibly, of all time.

At the end of the article you can see yet another amazing work of hair.

How can you hate on a man who obviously is capable of great care and attention to detail?

7x13=28

Math I understand!

Popeye Ain't What I Remember 'im to Be

Just discovered this guy tonight.

I must say, he makes Ian McKellen even more fun.

Elvis Costello Got a Little Cooler

By making his relations with Israel very icy.

It's nice to finally hear some big names do something other than Support Israel for being Israel and actually see what the hell is going on over there.

Thanks to Cynical-C Blog for posting this originally.

Why?

I love google's autofill thingy.

Why can't I own a Canadian?

Okey-Dokey Pig in a Pokey!

My other computer will suffice for now.

This is a minor update to apologize for disappearing and keeping you all waiting.

It shouldn't be much longer, now.

In the mean time, I shall post a review of sorts of the film Paul Blart: Mall Cop. What an utter failure of cinema.

If you haven't, watch and catch up on The League of Gentlemen. Holy cow is it great.

Well, well, well...

It seems that my laptop has decided to eat itself whole again, so I am waiting for a good buddy to send over his restore discs to help me out.

Hooray friends!

Because I Love You

...and also because we all love balloons.

Japanese Method of Animal Transfer

I love you, Japan.



Who's hungry?

Arizona, Arizona, Arizona

I see that this lovely state we have here, called Arizona, has finally and fully lost its gorramn mind.

I'm not even going to post anything else about it, because it's so damned stupid.

Just thought I'd say.

So I did.

Arizona.

I Once Was Lost, But Now Found My Way Back, Bitches

I've been gone for a while due to serious virus issues on this laptop. They're still lurking about, but I don't care anymore.

I've been healed by the miracle that is the Holy Ghost Hokey Pokey.



Bless you, crazy-as-shit holy folk. You've made my day with this wonderful dance.

Come on! Release your glory!

(Courtesy of Cynical-C)

The South Shall Ruin Itself Again

So, apparently there are still places where segregation of schools is still an issue.

Places like Walthall County, Mississippi.

Apparently the county school board still allowed for white students to transfer from Tylertown schools to a predominantly white system 10 miles away, leaving the close-at-home schools to the African population.

Reading that, you would expect this to be a post sent from the 1950's, but believe you me, almost 60 years after Brown vs Board of Education there are still school systems that see nothing wrong with this. And yes, this is taking place in the South.

And people really still wonder why racial tension still exists?

More Japan Goodness

One reason I love Japan is because of the extreme transitions between cultural heritage and a drive for modernity. It amazes me that a nation can still blend such two distinctly differing worlds together. It provides the country with a beautiful backdrop -- like some nouveau painting with splashes of color to accentuate particular corners, Japan can be an endless landscape of pagodas and shrines accented by business towers and airliners.

...And then there's this:

Osaka, Japan. One of the friendliest places in the nation, if not the world. Studies have shown Osaka to be the nicest place ever. These studies have not just been made up on the spot to verify what I say. This video should be proof alone. Where else could you go "bang!" in public and not get tackled and hauled away by some form of Homeland Security? I don't care to find out.

White Trash, er, Juggalos Believe in Miracles

So, apparently the Insane Clown Posse still exists, and have a new single.

Maybe you should give this album a lookie-look, Nick.

So, apparently, "fuckin' rainbows", and magnets are miracles. That's good to know, ICP.

I do enjoy the juggalo butterfly, and the fact that Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope fly into (and blow up) the Sun, surely another miracle in the making. Certainly a wtf for the ages.

Angry Aussies are Angry

This is Angry Aussie. He is an angry Aussie.

He is also funny as hell. Here he is, though, just being angry about critics of the upcoming film Kick-Ass, and rightfully so. The Australian version of the MPAA is even dumber and more worthless than our own.

Also, here is the article, which he links to in his description of the clip. You get to hear complaints from talking-head psychologists that really are speaking nothings.

If you don't want your child "ruined" by violence, don't take them to the movie, which is obviously geared toward adults. Also, try responsible parenting. The children with a history of violence are also children with a history of shitty parenting.

God Bless You, Germany

Come for Vivaldi, stay for the mad man climbing a tower in an excavator, for no reason whatsoever.

Bonus: A German Willy Wonka hosts.

Look Who's In a Magazine Already!

Not me.

BUT, someone I know.

Kellen, a fellow WGHS graduate / survivor, is making quite the name for himself in the Blacksburg area, pretty much giving everything he has to offer to what he loves. The Vinyl House project seems to be going quite well so far, but of course not without the expected bumps along the way. I really didn't know what to make of this bold move at first, but with this article, and talking to Nick tonight, I want to believe. With that much energy and passion going into this project of his, I believe he only has one place to go: up.

I wish you all the luck, my man, and hope you have a PR position available soon.

Oh, Nick's in there too, but only in picture form (photo two, the guy with the smug "I'm the shit" look. What can I say, when he's right, he's right.)

Stay Sexy, People

Dustin Winesberry might not be a man that's immediately recognizable to you all, but it will be when you see The World's Sexiest Mugshot.

With his "I'mma love you all night long, baby" stare, it only gets better when you see he was arrested for climbing an apartment balcony and asking the women living in the particular section to "hang out" with him. How could they not fall for such a romantic? Romeo was right at their feet, and they threw away a perfectly good romance.

Of course Bruce Haas, the administrator over the Boulder County (Colorado) Sheriff's Office's jail division sees a problem with bringing sexy back to mugshots, and will be investigating just what provoked the photographer to break from protocol.

I have to say, the photographer has quite the eye for a simple mugshot taker. Add this to your portfolio and move to Hollywood, man. If you can make a sex offender look good, you can make anyone shine.

Antichrist in all its Anti-sensibilities

Okay, here's a movie review -- something I've never really done before with a lot of effort, but here goes.

Tonight, I am going to discuss a movie that I caught earlier this afternoon called Antichrist.

It is a movie. It is a very odd movie.

Starring Willem Dafoe (a man who can be as insane and hellbent as the Green Goblin, or as genius and awesomely gay as the FBI agent from Boondock Saints) and Charlotte Gainsbourg (The name sounds familiar, but that's all I got on her), and helmed by Lars von Trier, when I heard about this movie floating around the 'net, I thought "Why the hell not?" and found it on Netflix.

I am not totally familiar with von Trier's work, aside from Dogville (a superb cinematic achievement and worth many viewings) and now this. A couple things stick out, however, from seeing these two films. One: the director enjoys making his films seem like plays, having them broken up into "acts" with pauses in the film to have some cutesy little cutscene to let us know. It worked really, really well in Dogville, as it was all done on a stage. Here, not so much.

From what I can tell, the four acts were to let us, the viewers, know that the film had four main points to make. In the first chapter, we see their baby basically jump out of a window for the sheer hell of it, as he actively takes the time to break out of his crib, burst through the safety fence, make his way into Dafoe and Gainsbourg's room, push the chair up to the desk, fumble with the window locks, open the window, survey where to best land, and then flings himself outward like a ragdoll. Mind you, this is all while we get to see gratuitous amounts of Mr. Dafoe's pasty ass grinding in Ms. Gainsbourg's equally pasty and bony body in an even more unflattering black-and-white opener.

Take a moment to read this again, if you will. The movie opens with you seeing Willem Dafoe actively sinking his joystick, in plain view, into this woman's "center", if you will, all while their child makes a clearly thought out attempt at suicide. He's like 3 or something. This is when I thought to myself "Well, surely if this is how it opens, the 'horror' aspect of this movie will be intense as all get-out." This is when I would also be wrong.

I will not spoil much for you, dear readers, and trust me, I have spoiled nothing for you yet. The fact that this child kills himself does in a way set off the events for the rest of the film, but you soon forget they had a kid, having this memory replaced by thoughts of "Oh God," "Oh my God," "Oh sweet Jesus," "What the fuck?" and "Hold me, please".

The film is highly criticized as misogynistic, but that's just another way of women saying they don't like a movie. AS IF they should be offended by the whole title of the film being spelled out with the use of the symbol for "female", instances of women being branded as evil cult witches that can make it rain when it shouldn't, and so on*. (*Please note that was sarcasm, and I totally see why people have issues with this movie)

This film is also hailed as deeply moving, very deeply moving, and life-changingly moving. Okay.

For my first movie review, this is probably the worst possible movie for me to start off with. Not because it has so many layers to delve through, but just because the movie makes your brain want to drink whiskey until it wakes up in a neighboring town with a new tattoo dedicated to whoever the hell Monica is. It is not worth watching twice, because there is no depth to go through. This move is just so...straightforward with the weirdness that you can only go "Okay, that was fucked up, what else do these crazy assholes do now?" as you sit there, not wanting to look away and you have no idea why.

SO, in conclusion, nature is evil, woman is evil because nature says so, if you think a vagina is being represented in some symbolical sense it is, and 3-year olds have a tendency to commit suicide just for the hell of it.

Lars von Trier took a gigantic leap forward with Dogville, and somehow managed to fall light-years behind with this film. It probably deserves watching just because I think all films deserve a fair shot, but in all honesty you really shouldn't bank on taking anything away from it.

Did I mention it was a very odd movie?